Losing faith....

I'm beginning to lose faith. Not sure in what exactly....but it's a general dull feeling that I'm no longer believing in what I used to believe in, questioning myself etc. It started off with some unhappy incident during management meeting, whereby I was quite unhappy with some officers who hold higher ranks than me. I think I was a bit too bold with showing my displeasure - at their competency in managing certain issues. Yesterday, I told one of my colleagues, one of the few whom I am closer to in the pathetic institution I'm working in - to submit an unserialised report for being late for training. She was really unhappy about it, claiming that she wasn't late as she reported to the institution on time instead of the training venue. I've had enough. Enough of officers coming to me with all sorts of excuses for being late, absent etc.

If I tell all subordinates who are late to submit an unserialised report, why can't I tell a higher-ranking officer to submit a report too? I'm doing so in the capacity of my designation. She went on to tell our superiors that she thinks that she is not in the wrong and she should not fault her for it. Our superiors concurred with it when she has not even found out the whole story!

There are quite a bit of unhappiness recently - between myself and the staff. I'm beginning to lose faith in my own beliefs and values. I think that being fair in the capacity of my designation is utmost importance. However, am I being too inflexible? Too rigid? Am I not speaking the same language as others?

I'm feeling a bit disorientated and is estranging myself from my "friends"-colleagues in the institution. I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel nor do I feel any need to contribute my services anymore. There are ample people on stage to act out their own plays.

Maybe one day, they will understand why I need to do what I do. Till then, I will count each day that I refrained myself from typing the resignation letter.