Melancholic again..

"I have of late, but where forth I know not of, lost all my mirth, forgone all custom of exercises…that this goodly frame the earth seems to me a sterile promontory" (Hamlet, II.ii.)

I’m not exactly sure what I’m unhappy about. Perhaps it was the two-and-a-half day of suicide prevention conference that made me ponder on life again. The conference was emotionally draining. How so, I’m not sure myself. Perhaps making sense of something that doesn’t have an answer is very tiring.

Or is it something else? Have you ever felt that your life was whole until you met someone who could very well be your safety net? He’s the safety net exactly because you thought your life was whole. Then, if you try to remove the safety net and suddenly feel as though there’s something missing in your life. Dare I remove the net then?

Things have accelerated but slowed down for the last few days – to be exact, as of yesterday. Was it my mood that I perceived it to be so?

It has been a long time since I felt like this – dull and melancholic. Nothing exceptional to be unhappy about. Yet, I’m not happy. Why? The suicide prevention conference gave me insights, not much revelations though – but that’s ok because there’s nothing much to discover about suicide cos’ the dead don’t talk. Or so I think.

I believe a human is both organic and psychological. [and I lost the point…]

Back to my safety net. I’m not exactly sure to identify him as a safety net in the first place. I guess one would never know, even though he could vocalize all promises in the world. It doesn’t matter if he had said or not say anything at all. I couldn’t be sure, and that’s not the matter.

What do you get if you have two pieces from two different jigsaw puzzles and try to put them together? It could jolly well be the case if I wanted to believe so. Again, I don’t know. Perhaps one day, when I’ve gathered enough courage, I would sort this out before we move on, with or without the other.