Looking for new meaning in life....

I was cursing again....at my car cos' the gear box was not working well. I was having problems shifting my gear. Damn it. Why did I buy a manual car?! Of all cars, why did I buy a Suzuki? Why didn't I just spend a bit more to get a more decent car? Damn it. Sure kenna scolding again if I mention about selling this bloody lousy piece of shit. Damn. Paying $61k for frustrations...why don't someone just run me over and settle this damn bloody problem for me!?

I was already rehearsing in my head how to give a piece of my mind to the Suzuki salesman who convinced me and my family to buy this car. Maybe I could give another piece of my mind to the mechanics as well. They must have a role to play in the bad mechanisms in the car. Lousy gear box. Narrow wheels. Thin coat of paint. Milo tin material. Fabric material which absorbs dust, hair, water, water and more water, syrup too. Poor pickup speed. Damn!

The lights turned green and I sped off - only to be overtaken by a bloody van. Damn!! Even a van can overtake me!!! Where are all the traffic police who are supposed to book these bloody buggers who pay so little to fuel their environmentally-unfriendly, air-polluting vans with their astonishing pickup speed compared to my miserable, bank-draining lousy, milo-tin-made Suzuki? Life sucks.

Then I saw them again. This time, the little boy was walking beside the cart. He looked older now. The old man was smiling while talking to the little boy, and he had a knee guard around his knee now. He must be having some form of knee problem. I looked at the clock and it was 9.55am. I saw them around 11+pm the other time. They sure have long working hours... I wonder where they were heading...

Frustrations....

I was on duty today and those feelings of frustrations of having to work amongst so many women washed all over me once again. I hate it when people do not look at themselves and critically examine their own flaws. What do they really see of themselves and what do they really want to achieve?

I think the work environment lacks warmth. I used to have an OC who is warm and caring but the hostile environment around her took a toll on her. I asked for a swop of shift today cos' it's gonna be my birthday. I was advised to eat with my family another day. I need some empathy and a tinge of care and concern from my colleagues....

I'm thinking of getting out again.... Howcome there are so few jobs on asiaone.com???

Going to be another year older..

Wow....it has been almost 3 months since I last typed in here. Recently, I remembered that I actually had a blog here, online as I was lying in bed one night. I was thinking again, of penning down my thoughts before I lose them forever. I wasn't feeling suicidal at that point in time...just morbid. Well, that happened because I was recently involved in a traffic accident when I collided with another car.

At that point of collision, it felt as thought it was always something that I always thought would happen to me. I'll execute an emergency brake, the car will skid and I'll collide with the car in front. It happened. Suddenly, life seems so fragile once again. What if one fine day, I skid and my car overturns and probably, I won't wake up anymore to even see what had happened....

That's so much about the accident......

On another note, I just signed up with California Fitness a lifetime membership package. Argh! I hate California Fitness and now I'm a lifetime member!! I hate myself.... The package costs me $3k...and $88 yearly. I felt very bad after signing up for the package. I could have spent the money more wisely than spurge on a gym membership. It was money per se. I felt bad because while I spent the money this way, I have denied myself of giving more to my family, esp. my dad. Sis recently asked me to book the Aloha chalet for her, which I did. Dad enjoyed himself there, and commented that we shld book chalet more often. Recently, I was thinking of booking a chalet again so that dad and mum can enjoy themselves, so that they won't be too cooped up at home with Jerral. Alas! I spent it on a gym membership. I felt so bad that I came home and asked my sis if she has any contacts to a kelong, so that we can all go as a family to relax and have fun.

There are many things I feel bad about. I feel bad about work, for not doing things smoothly enough, all in all, that my work is not perfect. I feel bad about having neglected my family while slogging away in the office at 11pm or even 12am. I feel bad after spending so much money on something not practical, which I could better use.

Sigh.....

Reminiscing makes me sleepy.............