Counting down...

Slightly more than a month to solemnisation-cum-housewarming.

Done :
1. Wedding bands - half-done (haven't sent for engraving...)
2. Get a solemniser
3. Get witnesses
4. Got contact for makeup artist - half-done (haven't gotten past procrastination to sms her)
5. Getting started on renovations

Not done :
1. Solemnisation dress - seems like it was post-Christmas sale last week, and CNY themes this week! How to get a dress like that?! Aiya!!
2. Guest list - sorry we haven't sent out invites cos' we haven't actually planned the flow of events and how to make our guests comfortable!
3. Get a caterer and tentage/chair rental company
4. Maybe we might need AV so that everyone can hear the "I do"? The blocks next door seemed due to be demolished very soon after the en-bloc sale. Really hope this won't start till after our solemnisation!!!

I think I'm getting a nightmare leowzz....shan't go on......

Moving...

We're renovating our new home now to make it in time for housewarming-cum-solemnisation! It's quite exciting actually, especially when I have a say in what furniture to buy, types of tap, kitchen sink, stoves, built-in oven (this one EL haven't approve...hmmmm...hopefully he doesn't think that I have potential to burn the kitchen down with the oven). Last time move house, everything no say, papa say cupboard put where then must put where...now no need leow! Yay!

I want a black granite top for the kitchen cabinet (hopefully EL agrees to it, afterall, he's paying..hehe), shower type of tap for the kitchen sink (dad say change tap must change sink...sigh), thought of installing the rainforest shower in the bathroom (EL wants it too but say water pressure maybe a bit too low, YL saw the one in his current home and said such shower heads cause balding and vaguely drew a corelation.............fine, we can do without the rainforest showers.......), wanted a platform thingy, like Japanese style kind of bedroom with tatami bed (Jiejie say tatami will go mouldy in Singapore?!?! sigh....) I like the big sliding windows without grills in the living room but first thing papa said when he saw the open windows was "when are you going to install the grills?" I hate grills!

I like state-of-the-art kitchen designs. Might inspire me to learn how to cook. :D The other day, I prepared breakfast and by the time I finished, it was brunch. Felt a little bad...hehe... Anyway, EL said the pizza was nice. Sometimes I forgot the tomato paste, other times I forgot the salami, and sometimes the cheese...hehehe....but ok lah, it was a nice brunch in the end... I wonder if they sell fuzzy logic rice cookers, like the washing machines... One day, I will succeed cooking rice instead of porridge!

Oh, I also like toilets with washbasins that are not just 1 sink with the drainage pipe kind, then got space to put toiletries and stuff mah.. My ideal toilet hor, is the type like Conrad's. I think also need to hack the wall to convert half our bedroom into toilet...hahaha....

My wish list goes on....

LASIK

Yay!! I've got a 'new' pair of eyes!!! Trying not to strain my eyes for the past few days....erm....somewhat.....been trying to stay off Sudoku despite the boredom. :D

So far so good. :) Hopefully my eye sight will not deteriorate... :)

No more worries about people accidently dropping my spectacles into the sea when I go diving, or someone sitting on my specs when I go trekking or having to push my specs up my nose ridge with clumsy gloves while trekking up Mt K!! Yay!!!

Now I'm bloody broke with my new pair of eyes. :)

I was late again

and he was mad at me again. I admit that I do have a bad habit of being late. I'm sorry that I'm not perfect and not being punctual is just one bad habit that I can't get rid of. It makes me feel sad somehow. I've tried to be on time today but was late for 5 mins. He sent me a nasty sms. How was I to reply or react? I don't know...but it sure made me feel really inadequate, that I'm not good enough for him.....

Of coz friends would tell me that one shld never allow another person to determine their self-worth. But can you avoid that?

I always think that I'm fortunate to have everything that I need to keep me alive. He offered to pay for my LASIK surgery next week. I don't need him to pay anything for me. It's my choice, my surgery, and I will make provisions for it myself. If I had made the decision to buy a car, I will work to support it. If I can't afford, I'll sell it. Since it's my decision to keep it anyway, I will support it myself.

We will move into our home soon. OUR home. HIS house. I need to make the distinction because I need to earn my own keep, for the sake of my self-worth.

He has not been sensitive enough to realise why I haven't gotten a laptop which I've been badly wanting to get, a new bike which he has been pestering me to get, or fly to Beijing over a long weekend.

I'm not sure what I'm feeling right now because I feel angry, sad and disappointed at the same time. I feel sad and disappointed because he doesn't seem to understand even though I put in effort. As I dwell into these feelings, I begin to feel angry at his lack of understanding. Then it dawned on me that he doesn't have a sense of reality and understanding of me. These become a vicious cycle.

At the end of the day, it's still me and my pride. Despite having said that, I still need to keep it to define who I am.