Friday, December 31, 2004

A new year

It's a few hours to 2005. Let's be optimistic. The new year will be a new start, from wars and disasters. To me, the tsunamis catastrophe was almost unreal and unbelievable. Thousands of people parished within seconds, minutes and hours.

Jiejie was on Phi Phi island when it happened. Thankfully I got to know that she's safe before I got to know about the tsunamis. Jiejie has always been lucky when travelling....narrowly missing an avalanche in Pakistan, skidding off a mountain in Chile while cycling and had to get her forehead stitched up, now narrowly missing a tsunamis in Phi Phi.

Life is so fragile.

Sunday, December 26, 2004

A new Mr Suzuki!

Thank you Ah Chew for the vacuum cleaner!!! Mr Suzuki has never been so clean ever since it left the showroom! Now I gotta get the ing-ing-ing air freshener that swirls water for her as Christmas pressie!!! heeeee......

Friday, December 24, 2004

Merry Christmas!

Yay! I'm a proud owner of a MuVo Sport C100! A Christmas present...........for myself. :D

Thursday, December 23, 2004


Jarell - my 6 weeks' old nephew! :) Posted by Hello

Sunday, December 19, 2004


Taking photos in the toilet... :P Posted by Hello


Our D&D was held at Raffles City Convention Centre...and these are us, out of our uniform. :) Posted by Hello


D&D's door gift - a teddy bear with a Core Value attached. H.E.A.R.T is our Core Values...stands for Honour (our vision), Excel (in our work), Agile, Respect (for our fellow colleagues), Teamwork.. Posted by Hello

Saturday, December 18, 2004

This time in simple Chinese characters

I like the song...but really don't understand what Jay Chou was singing...nor read and understand what the chinese characters mean....so here's the simple chinese version with hanyu pinyin...hehe

搁浅 | Ge Qian | Stranded
Other Translations: None


詞: 宋建彰
Ci: Song Jian Zhang

曲: 周杰倫
Qu: Zhou Jie Lun


久未放晴的天空 依舊留著你的笑容
jiu wei fang qing de tian kong / yi jiu liu zhe ni de xiao rong

哭過 卻無法掩埋歉疚
ku guo / que wu fa yan mai qian jiu

風箏在陰天擱淺 想念還在等待救援
Feng zheng zai yin tian ge qian / xiang nian hai zai deng dai jiu yuan

我拉著線 複習你給的溫柔
wo la zhe xian / fu xi ni gei de wen rou


曝晒在一旁的寂寞
pu shai zai yi pang de ji mo

笑我給不起承諾
xiao wo gei bu qi cheng nuo

怎麼會怎麼會 你竟原諒了我
zen me hui zen me hui ni jing yuan liang le wo

我只能永遠讀著對白 讀著我給你的傷害
wo zhi neng yong yuan du zhe dui bai / du zhe wo gei ni de shang hai

我原諒不了我 就請你當作我已不在
wo yuan liang bu liao wo / jiu qing ni dang zuo wo yi bu zai

我睜開雙眼看著空白 忘記你對我的期待
wo zheng kai shuang yan kan zhe kong bai / wang ji ni dui wo de qi dai

讀完了依賴 我很快就離開
du wan le yi lai / wo hen kuai jiu li kai


What is the song about actually.....??? Hmm..... I watched the MTV, it's even more confusing....

Thursday, December 16, 2004

A nice song by Jay Chou

擱淺
詞:宋健彰 曲:周杰倫 編曲:鍾興民

久未放晴的天空 依舊留著你的笑容 
哭過 卻無法掩埋歉疚
風箏在陰天擱淺 想念還在等待救援 
我拉著線 複習你給的溫柔
暴曬在一旁的寂寞 笑我給不起承諾 
怎麼會怎麼會你竟原諒了我

我只能永遠讀著對白 讀?我給你的傷害 
我原諒不了我 就請你當作我已不在
我睜開雙眼看著空白 忘記你對我的期待 
讀完了依賴  我很快就離開

A touching sight...

I was driving home at 11.30pm when I saw this elderly man pedalling an ice cream cart, with his son or grandson on it. Somehow, the sight touched me. It was late. He seemed to have problems trying to pedal, as the cart seemed heavy, and heavier with the little boy on it.

He looked back at the taxi who was tail-gating behind, as he had caused a minor jam behind him as his cart occupied the only lane. He looked a little embarressed and tried to pedal harder but the cart could not move much faster. Finally, he reached the downslope part of the road, a little relieved.

Suddenly, I felt this pang of sadness and guilt washing over me. Though I don't have everything, I lack nothing. I bitch, complain and whine about the emptiness of life, politics of work and trivial matters.

Why?

Sunday, December 12, 2004


Women power!! :D Posted by Hello


Took some time out to take photos of the flowers. :) Posted by Hello


The sword Posted by Hello


The swordbearer contingent. Yay!! Posted by Hello


Getting ready for the march in... Posted by Hello

Being a swordbearer

Went for a colleague's wedding as part of the swordbearer contingent. It was fun!!!!

Saturday, December 04, 2004

Amore

Their new taglines go something like "Behind every great woman." and "A new powerful you." etc etc...

I was pondering about their taglines in the midst of a low-impact aerobics class, led by a cmi (Read: cannot make it) woman instructor. If Amore is "behind every great woman", then these great women musn't be that great too. Got it? The woman instructor didn't know what she was doing and half the time, she either couldn't remember the steps or said the steps wrongly. Got quite fed-up throughout the class but managed to complete it without punching her in the eye. Haha! Juz kidding.....

Friday, December 03, 2004

Kharma

I got a shock when I went to the carpark to drive to work this morning. There were 2 deep scratches on the body of my car near to the rear bumper. Why?! That was the first question that came to my mind. I analysed the scratches. They were deliberate scratches, not the sort when somebody accidentally brushed against the paint and cause it to come off. Dad said that probably I parked too close to the car next to mine and they got fed-up trying to open the car door.

!!?? I thought about that as well....I parked between a van and an MPV yesterday. Either way, I was close to both vehicles, for obvious reasons. One was a van, the other was a MPV, and 3 cars are parked in an HDB carpark in SINGAPORE. Hmm...I think my dad's reasoning made sense. Think I'm gonna sit in my car and wait for the owner of the MPV to appear and I'll look at him/her and see if the person dare to look into my eyes.

However, no matter what, the car's been scratched and the freaking idiot has gotten away with it. I wonder how he/she would have felt if his/her own car is being scratched too. Such childish and dysfunctional behaviour ought to be condemned. Scratch somebody's car when it is blocking your way....kill somebody if they offended you?! Sick!!

I'm still pretty angry at this point in time. However, I do believe that what goes around comes around. I was driving along PIE last week, on my way to work and this taxi driver got pissed off by this old lady who was road hogging, and he overtook her, cut sharply into her lane, then dodged between a few cars...and finally, he underestimated the distance between his car and a truck, and think his headlights together with bonnet scrapped against the metal piece under the truck. Broken pieces of glass and paint flew like how the dust flew around in 'Twister'. Such people will only suffer the consequences of their own actions....

Kharma. Peace. Bonus. Re-paint. Normalcy. Before that, #(@!)&#@()!$#&@*&$)(!@# that freaking idiot.

Peace.

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I want.......


MY CHRISTMAS WISH LIST Posted by Hello


This is a photo of a cuter and younger puffer fish... Posted by Hello

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Continued....

I'm not particularly depressed or anything. I wonder what is that empty feeling that creeps on me once in a while. I think it's not PMS lah. Back to the topic, hmm.....I used to say that emotions are just chemical reactions or electrical pulses in our brains. I still think it is...

Maybe the feeling of emptiness comes when I'm (what's-the-name-of-the-happy-hormone?) deficient.

Aiya, melancholy tonight. Think it's triggered off by him not saying hi to me. Hrumpff....

Book review

Prozac Nation: Young and Depressed in America. By Elizabeth Wurtzel (New York: Riverhead Books, Inc 1994). 368 pp.


Introduction

‘Prozac Nation’ is a memoir by a young and depressed woman in America. There are no premises and conclusions being presented in the story. It does not seek to explain the concept of depression or why it occurs, it was a collection of fragmented thoughts, feelings and reactions towards events that occurred during her period of depression. The tone used throughout the book evokes the pity of the reader, appealing to seek the reader’s agreement on the subjects discussed. The author commits a fallacy of over-generalisation, whereby her views are used to represent the general population of the young and depressed in America without reference to any research study.
The author uses her life story as the basis of the book, attributing meanings to the events that occur. The life of the author occurs in the era of post-modernism, whereby her thoughts and family background are influenced by the movement. Her mother was educated in Cornell University while her father was a low-level employee in a large organization. They divorced shortly after they had a child due to clashing value systems. Her anger at their failure to understand her turned into self-destruction and depression which persisted into her adulthood. She reached the turning point of her life after coming close to death from taking a drug overdose, coupled with prescribed Prozac.



Analysis of content
The background of the author has been reiterated by her therapist as dysfunctional (p. 43). The author uses a tone of self-pity to convince the reader into accepting and understanding her from her perspective by describing the scenarios and thoughts vividly, such as “There was never enough money for anything, my mom had to sue my dad for unpaid child support and bills, my dad eventually disappeared… In college, I can remember sitting around dorm rooms…comparing family horror stories with my new friends…I always won that contest.” (p. 33) Excuses such as losing her identity and “forgetting how to function in a world that is normal and nondepressive” (p. 347) were made to influence the reader. In the epilogue, she feels angry that the ‘world’ is taking Prozac without having genuine depression, which dismisses what she had gone through. She did not identify any concrete reasons for her depression though she appeals to pity to convince the reader that she had genuinely suffered from a very deep depression.
The manner of presentation is colloquial, for example “I mean, is there anybody out there who doesn’t think her family is dysfunctional?” (p. 34) which “replaces the laborious task of presenting evidence and rational argument with expressive language and other devises calculated to excite enthusiasm, excitement, anger or hate” (Copi et al, 1998) The thoughts presented were not constructed to be controversial and are personal statements which do not require any falsification. An example would be “Rock bottom is everything out of focus. It’s a failure of vision, a failure to see the world as it is, to see the good in what it is.” which requires the reader to agree or disagree depending on his personal perspective.
The author supports ideas from other literary texts, such as Waiting For Godot by Samuel Beckett (p. 302). She drew a parallel between herself and the characters in Waiting For Godot, where the two tramps waited under a bare tree waiting for Godot to come and save them from their plight. This juxtaposition between the author and the characters in Waiting For Godot gives the reader a mental picture of her interpretations of the world. This sense of futility of life in her is manifested in “to wake up every morning afraid (she is) going to live” (p. 303). She uses such mental pictures throughout the book, which enhances the process of engaging the reader into understanding her position.

Evaluation
There is a nullifying effect on the reader while reading the book, possibly due to the nature of the subject – depression. Although the book does not contain any arguments which requires logical thinking, it does require to some extent rationality to decipher the negativity which has no bearing on the plot. Her rhetorical style of writing did engage me to empathize with her. However, the effect was lost after reading through the entire book which basically indulges too much in self-pity.
The author has pointed out many interesting ideas and concepts, mostly about the futility of life. This particularly appeals to people who are depressed or on the verge of depression. She included concepts such as existentialism and post-modernity, which have profound philosophical underpinnings, making the book more ‘sophisticated’. The concepts were presented throughout the book prompts the reader to reflect on her own life.
One key point that I have understood from reading this book is that we should not undermine the severity of depression and how it can strike a person at any time, without any valid reasons for being depressed. Her thoughts are vividly described which bring about my awareness on how depressed have been treated and do not want to be treated, for example when her therapist reiterated her life story and situation to her, it does not serve to help her change. Instead, it made her feel more depressed as she dwelled further on her depression. It is common in prisons whereby officers who think that they have a broader picture of the inmates’ lives and may be quick to pinpoint the ‘problems’ that lead to the inmates’ incarceration and how they should go about changing.
The book has described her thoughts going on behind the external stimuli (i.e. her therapy sessions and so on) that she had experienced, which made me reflect on how officers are likely to dismiss the inmates’ thoughts – out of sight, out of mind. It is not uncommon to come across inmates with dysfunctional family background in prisons. The common response would be to repeat the situation all over to them again. This is hardly conducive as it makes them tired of hearing the same thing from everyone all over again.
She had also touched on the fallacy of therapy whereby it is assumed that “revelations” (or self-awareness) of oneself during therapy sessions would “make all the difference”. However, she argued that one would be likely to repeat the same old habits because the emotional tie to these habits are so strong and that is what makes up the identity of the person, to keep him “centered and connected”.
For both inmate and staff, my assumption would be that self-awareness in itself would warrant change. However, the author challenged my assumption due to the difficulty in implementing change and what implications changes would have on one. For example, habits such as procrastination and drugs are difficult to change despite the fact that one is aware of the implications they have. Like the author, it is common for us to test the limits. It is only when we experience an event where these habits are really going to destroy us that we may reach the turning point in our lives. Drug inmates who toy with their lives and not seem to bother with death, may find themselves having a brush with death someday. It could be then that they realize that they treasure their own lives.
Another point is that the author has lived the image of a depressive and drug abuser for many years. She felt that she has no idea how to “function within the boundaries of the normal nondepressive world” (p. 314). These thoughts may occur to some inmates who have taken drugs for decades or having grown up in an environment full of drugs, not knowing how to cope with a change of image to a normal citizen who is drugsfree. They will lose their sense of identity because this is all they have. This prompts me for further reflections on how to better handle inmates with such problems.

Memories

I thought my laptop had died on me. I used to think that whenever my laptop or PC crashes, my past and memories would be gone forever. Then, I would have to start a new chapter in my life and start afresh. Now, I hardly use the PC at home anymore and I wonder where my memories go now...

My laptop was my diary and it has all the footprints of my life. Whether it's digital photos, emails, documents, mp3s that I used to croack to,....................they were once part and parcel of my life. When it's erased, it's like my footprints being swept away...and I would get disorientated for a while.... Now, whether or not I leave footprints, I hardly turn back anymore.

I wonder why too. I think I hardly sit down, like I used to, to reflect on what I've done. Today, it's like "do first, question/think later" (Mark Lee-my squadmate, 2002) and I usually don't have time (or so I think) for all the laters....

I just browsed through my laptop and went through some of the documents I saved in the past. Term papers, reports, photos.... I think I enjoyed my life....and I have no regrets.

Ah, I found a book review which I did when I was in PSTS. I quite like this particular review because I get to express what I think and yet at the same time criticise a book. You know, it's like sharing your thoughts but blame it on the author or something.. Shall put it up before my laptop dies on me forever...................